Grief And What It Means For Different People

Talking about grief on this blog feels pretty weird for me because it hits everyone differently based on what they’ve gone through and how they handle tough spots. If you’ve caught up with my Life Update post, you already know I lost my really good friend Vincent back in 2021. That happened at a crucial time in my life, and to be honest, I was lost for a long while. It was my first time dealing with the loss of someone close as an adult, at a point where I kind of knew myself and how I usually cope.

Since today would have been Vincent’s birthday, I thought it’d be meaningful to catch up with some of his friends and family, have a real talk about how we’re all handling our grief, and share those stories with you. I’m asking everyone to please, please, please hold off on any negative comments about what they share. Grieving isn’t linear, and I really want this place to be a respectful and safe space for those who’ve opened up and allowed me to share their experiences. Let’s jump into it.

Relationship with Vincent

So, for those of you who didn’t know Vincent, here’s a quick recap. I met Vincent sometime during my sophomore or junior year in college. We ended up having a bunch of classes one after the other and thought, “Why not study together?” And just like that, our friendship kicked off. We seriously had a blast hanging out together. 

Bekkah: I’m Vincent’s younger sister, and it feels strange to refer to him as Vincent when I’ve always called him Brother. You know how it goes with older siblings; they can be really tough. But we got really close after he left for boarding school at 14 and I was just 10. I missed him so much, and that’s when we actually became best friends, all the way up until his death.

Miss Rachel: If you knew Vincent, then you definitely know who I am – I’m Vincent Grimaldi’s mom. Vincent was my firstborn, so we had a super close bond. He was the definition of a mama’s boy. I was lucky enough to stay home when Vincent and Bekkah were little, so I got to spend loads of time with them. We were always together, doing everything as a team. It might sound a bit unusual for a mom to say, but he really was my best friend.

Teddy: He was my very first friend and my best friend. We met when my family moved into his neighborhood. I can’t exactly recall our first meeting, but according to my parents, I was one and Vincent was 3, and we did everything together – we even took baths together, according to my mom. 

“HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND”

Mandy: Vincent and I first crossed paths in 2019 during a trip to Cape Cod, where we hit it off talking about KPop and just being our goofy selves. Back then, I mainly saw him as this hilarious guy who could spit words out super fast – seriously, he could probably hit 100 words per minute. A year later, after he came back from college, we got back in touch and that’s when we really clicked. We meshed so well and so fast, it felt like we’d been friends for ages. We’d hang out making gnocchi from scratch, and he’d crack up over how I managed to waste 5 pounds of potatoes on a botched attempt the night before.

Josue: I met Vincent in the summer of 2017 when we were both diving into independent research together for about 18-20 months. Through that experience, we ended up forming a really tight-knit friendship.

Kevin: I met Vincent at Syracuse University back in 2015, and it’s funny because we actually crossed paths at an Asian student organization meeting. I distinctly remember thinking, “What’s this dude doing here?” But despite my initial confusion, we hit it off right away. Our connection was instant, sparked by our shared roots in Boston, experiences in Hong Kong, passion for sports, and our mutual addiction to Instagram back in those days.

Dealing with Grief

Bekkah: It’s been incredibly tough for me because I’m the kind of person who feels emotions really deeply. I’m quite sensitive to things, and when he passed away, it’s like everything just shut off. I didn’t feel anything at all. It was like my body went into shock mode. I remember talking to someone a few weeks back, and she mentioned that the highest form of emotion you can experience is actually feeling nothing at all. And even now, almost three years later, I still can’t quite grasp the reality of his passing. I’m still struggling to feel anything.

Miss Rachel: As a parent, there’s simply no way to put into words the pain of losing a child. It’s a loss that defies description and can never truly be expressed. People try to move forward and find ways to cope, but for a parent who has lost a child, like Vincent and I were so close, it’s just incomprehensible. Everyone talks about how time heals, but honestly, it doesn’t. Someone once told me that the intensity of grief reflects the depth of love you had for that person, and I loved Vincent deeply. It’s incredibly challenging, especially when his friends do things in his memory, because it really hits home just how much Vincent meant to people.

“The highest form of emotion you can feel is nothingness”

Bekkah Grimaldi

Teddy: I’ve come to realize that, with many things in life, time truly is the best healer. That doesn’t mean it erases memories or feelings, of course. But when it first happened, I was so lost. I wanted all the answers immediately, thinking that if I understood everything about his death, maybe I could handle my grief a bit better.

How have you been feeling since Vincent’s passing?

Mandy: In the first month after Vincent passed, I felt like I’d lost my soul and the meaning of everything. Days drifted by aimlessly, hit by waves of loss. The world carried on without him, and the idea of never seeing him again was crushing. I went through denial, anger, sadness, acceptance, denial again, more sadness, and eventually found some peace – and that’s okay.  

Josue: Honestly, it’s been a rollercoaster. Vincent’s passing happened at a tough time for me personally, with a lot going on. It was overwhelming, and I don’t think I really processed the grief properly for a long while.

Kevin: Right after he passed away, I thought I’d be inspired to achieve greatness and be super motivated in every part of my life, living my best for Vincent. But the truth is, losing him shattered me, and I never expected that. I was overwhelmed with so many emotions I couldn’t even make sense of, and I felt guilty for not being there for him and not being able to change what happened.

Dealing with guilt

Many of us have grappled with feelings of guilt since Vincent’s passing. Losing him to suicide made us question if we could have somehow altered the outcome and kept him here with us. This guilt has led many of us to seek therapy, whether it’s through talk therapy, hypnotherapy, or other forms. Through this interview process, I’ve realized that, despite grieving in our own ways, we share a common thread of guilt over Vincent’s death. However, our cherished memories of him continue to motivate us each day. We’ve shared laughter, shed tears, and this journey has profoundly changed us.

Last Words

What are some last words or advice you’d give to people going through their personal grieving processes? 

Bekkah: One advice my friend Ari gave me was that this whole process isn’t linear – nothing’s that simple. One day, you’re feeling great, and the next, you’re struggling to even get out of bed. You could be laughing one minute and feeling sad or angry the next, then suddenly reminiscing about the good times. It’s all over the place, hitting you when you least expect it. But hey, your life’s not over. Life keeps moving, and it’s crucial to shape your life in a way that honors the person who’s passed.

Losing a sibling is especially tough for a specific reason: they’re the one person who truly has the same experiences as you. They shared the same upbringing, the same parents, the same ups and downs. Despite mine and Vincent’s differences, we were alike in so many ways – our interests, our likes. Now, I don’t have anyone who I can connect with on that level, and it’s been really, really tough for me.

Miss Rachel: You don’t really get what love is until you hold your own babies. Then, it hits you like a ton of bricks. It’s a kind of love that defies explanation. Sure, you love your partner, but when you cradle that little bundle of joy, it’s a whole different level of love. It’s the kind of love that makes you willing to take a bullet, to put yourself in harm’s way without a second thought. That’s the real deal. Loving a child is a force to be reckoned with, and anything that threatens that bond just tears you apart.

Once you experience parenthood, you’ll understand exactly what Vincent and Bekkah mean to me. When you bring a child into this world, you never anticipate burying them. You never expect to outlast your own kids. That’s love, right there. And until you’ve experienced parenthood yourself, you can’t grasp the depth of that feeling because imagining your life without them is just unfathomable.

Discussion

Death doesn’t care about timing, not even when you think you’re ready for it. For me and my friends, it hit us out of nowhere. If you’ve been through something similar, drop a comment below about how you dealt with it and what helped you start feeling a bit like yourself again, keeping you pushing through each day.

For me, talking about Vincent has been so therapeutic, and I hope it’s given you some insight too. Just remember, you’re never alone in your struggles or your journey.

If you want to dive deeper into our conversation, check out my Instagram for a longer video on these topics and more. And as always, share, comment, and catch you in the next blog post.