Single OR Dating?

I am currently in a season of singleness, meaning I’m not dating, but eager to transition out of it soon. There’s an abundance of advice and perspectives on relationships available, and numerous ways to navigate the dating pool. Instead of solely relying on internet strangers and societal norms, I find it more sensible to seek guidance from someone I trust, particularly from a spiritual standpoint. In this blog post, we’ll delve into navigating the season of singleness and address common misconceptions about being single or dating in today’s society and doing it the ‘right way”.

The individual providing insights wishes to remain anonymous and will be referred to as RS throughout this post.

Maximizing your Singleness – defining what being committed means

Dorothy : What does singleness mean for young people and everyone in general?

RS: Singleness generally denotes not being in any form of relationship—there’s no commitment to anyone, and you’re not engaging in any romantic dialogue with anyone either. As long as there’s no commitment, you’re categorized as single.

Dorothy: Following up with that, would you then consider being in a situation-ship or having a fling to be in a relationship?

RS: I’d argue that if you’re in a situation-ship or a fling, you’re indeed in a relationship of sorts. From my perspective and understanding, true singleness entails not being involved in any romantic relationship whatsoever, without seeing anyone or making any commitments to be exclusive with anyone else.

Dorothy: How can someone harness the usefulness of their singleness? In other words, how can someone maximize their singleness?

RS: You can maximize your singleness by enjoying life. What does this mean exactly? Well, you’re in a period of your life where you are not under a lot of responsibilities. Yes you have your parents, you have your siblings and friends, but you also have your freedom. Perhaps you’re living alone and won’t necessarily need permission to do certain things you need to do. Have fun!

‘You have the freedom to travel. This is the time to enjoy life. ‘

RS

Dorothy:What does maximizing singleness entail for Christian girls like me?

RS: I’d suggest being actively involved in church activities and cultivating friendships within the church community. This can involve participating in events like retreats and missionary trips together. In essence, embrace activities that resonate with you and remain open to trying new things without limitations.

The importance of saving yourself for marriage?

This section feels somewhat unusual for me to discuss because there’s a multitude of thoughts surrounding this topic, and it often arises in conversations with friends. However, it’s crucial for me to emphasize that you, as the reader, have the autonomy to make decisions that align with your life and lifestyle. These questions and answers are not intended to sway you but rather to spark inspiration, particularly if you’ve been pondering similar questions.

Dorothy: What makes preserving oneself for marriage so significant?

RS: I want to start by acknowledging that maintaining your purity, particularly in a world where love often equates to physical intimacy, is no simple task. However, from a biblical perspective, love extends far beyond simply giving oneself to another. Preserving your purity is actually one of the greatest gifts you can offer your future spouse, regardless of gender. It demonstrates patience and the willingness to make the moment special by waiting.

RS: The inability to maintain purity before marriage can also sow seeds of mistrust between couples, potentially leading to relationship issues. From a Christian standpoint, scripture commands us to flee from youthful lust and fornication. Additionally, it signifies maturity in one’s faith and the ability to respect oneself as a woman.

Women have a lot of power

Dorothy: It’s unfair to solely blame women in this equation. What about the boys/men?

RS: You’re absolutely right, and it’s important to acknowledge the shared responsibility between both genders in upholding purity before marriage. While there’s often a disproportionate emphasis on girls to maintain purity, boys and men are equally responsible. The conversation should include addressing societal norms and expectations that disproportionately place this burden on girls, while also encouraging boys and men to uphold similar standards of purity and respect in their relationships.

Navigating conversations about Trust and Intimacy

Dorothy: How can younger men and women navigate conversations about trusting their partners enough to maintain purity, especially in a culture where many believe that intimacy is essential for trust in a relationship?

RS: First and foremost, never succumb to pressure to prove your trust by engaging in physical intimacy. Genuine trust isn’t demonstrated through such actions. Feeling pressured to do something is not a healthy approach. If your partner refuses to wait and insists that proving trust means being intimate, then they’re probably not the right person for you. Reevaluate your priorities and refuse to feel pressured in any way.

Questions to ask yourself before getting into a relationship?

We’ve talked about maximizing your season of singleness, navigating conversations about trust and intimacy, and preserving yourself for your future spouse. I’m interested in hearing RS’s thoughts on how to decide if you’re ready for a relationship.

Dorothy: How can you determine if you’re ready to start dating? What are some guiding questions to help you make that decision?

RS: Ensure your priorities are in order. Ask yourself where you envision yourself in two to three years. Do you see dating in your future? Have you achieved any milestones in your education or career? Are these accomplishments sufficient to support both you and a potential partner if they were to enter your life now? Are you emotionally mature enough for a relationship? Age doesn’t necessarily equate to maturity; you might be older but still not ready for a relationship.

Determining Readiness for dating

RS: Some more profound questions to consider include: Am I prepared for full commitment and marriage? Is it advisable to be in a long-term relationship before marriage?

Dorothy: Is there a specific timeframe for being in a long-term relationship before considering marriage?

RS: The recommendation is typically to date for approximately 2-5 years before considering marriage. Having a very short-term relationship before marriage isn’t encouraged, as six months may not be sufficient time to fully understand someone. Conversely, it’s important not to rush the process of getting to know someone deeply.

Dorothy: What if you’ve addressed all the earlier questions but still feel uncertain?

RS: Avoid pressuring yourself to enter a relationship just because others are in one. If you’re still uncertain after addressing those questions, consider engaging in activities and attending places where you can meet new people.

Dorothy: This answer stands out as my favorite because it’s essential for someone like me to remember the distinction between being available and actively making oneself available. I often jest about relying on God to deliver someone to my doorstep, but I recognize that faith alone isn’t enough without action. Although, deep down, I still secretly wish for that divine delivery (jokes).

I hate to cut this fascinating post short, but that was just the first part of our lengthy conversation spanning over two hours. I hope it offered valuable insights to everyone, regardless of religious beliefs.

Feel free to share your questions and thoughts on this post in the comments section. If you need clarification on any point, don’t hesitate to comment.

See you in the next blog post! 🚀